Tags
Bad news, being strong, death, loved ones, news, sick people
This week, my mother in law had a serious lung infection which resulted in some medical completions which required her to be in the intensive care unit. The medical issues were manageable but there was one thing that really bothered me a lot and caused a lot of problems to a lot of people; which is breaking the news that someone we love is really sick.
Someone, felt that the easiest way to let people know that their mother, grandmother, sister is really sick is to send a message through social media! That someone made it even worse by not even drafting the right message so that people don’t get chocked with the news. Due to the nature of our Arabic culture, which is emotional in away, the results were devastating. Some people almost had a heart attack, others collapsed! Add to that, the patient herself, seeing her family crying around her, made her even sicker.
I have gone through a similar situation during my father’s episode of kidney failure and I learned few tips on how to handle bad news myself and how to safely deliver the news to others including the patient him/herself.
The most important thing is that you have to be strong; regardless of the news. Take a deep breath and clear your mind to be able to focus. Let’s start with the individual himself/herself; here are few tips you can use:
- Collect as much information as possible on the issue and make sure it is true and genuine not just a rumor.
- Control your emotions and body language; you can vent alone but not in front of anyone especially the patient.
- Observe the suffering individual’s emotions. This may be tearfulness, a look of sadness, silence, or shock.
- Make sure you show your empathy but not send a message that this is the end. Always, keep the hope channel open; regardless of the facts.
- Start explaining the facts and plan forward; the plan should not include giving up regardless of the facts.
- Assure him/her that he/she will not be alone and support will be provided to overcome the issue at hand.
- Once you see him/her emotionally stable, explain to him/her what is next.
- Continue the moral support and facts sharing until the issue is safely over.
Now, how about letting others know; for example family, friends and loved ones? First, you need to take permission from the individual him/herself to tell others. He/she might not want people to know. Once you get clearance, you can go ahead and let people know. For that, here are few tips:
- NEVER EVER use social media; twitter, facebook, WhatsApp and others. You might cause a great damage and shock someone to death!!
- Inform only those that need to be informed; start with the strongest individual that you believe will not emotionally react in a negative way. That individual might help you to convey the message to others easier.
- You might want to seek the help of trustworthy and respected people within the family or even within the same community.
- When informing someone, make sure they are ready to hear the news. Start with some opening statements that hints to a problem; for example “as you know XZY has been sick for a while and his health has not been improving … today, doctors did some additional tests and found that …. etc”. Never say “Hay did you know, XYZ is dying” !!
Conveying bad news is not easy, it only needs some focus on what to say and what not to say. Be strong and well aware, and then take the individual into that emotional ride. Keep close to him/her until things get better.